He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
