no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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