i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
