You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
