remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
