It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
