I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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