I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
