mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
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i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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