I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
