you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
