I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
