I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
