I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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