I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
