can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
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