I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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