This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Randomize
