I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
