just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
