More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
