I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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