then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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