I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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