One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Your cock deserves a montage
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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