we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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