You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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