Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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