you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
