Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
