why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
