so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
