dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
