i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
