this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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