I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
