i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
