we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
