"it" just moved
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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