Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
