Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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