Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
