Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This is the high leading the old right now
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize