i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
