she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
