3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
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You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
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Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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