If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I need moral support for this bender
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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