Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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