You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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