So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
