Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
