I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
