A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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