don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
