nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
