the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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