My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
