just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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