So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
