This house was built for laser tag.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize