My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
