hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
