when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
