I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dignity is for republicans.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
