If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
