Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
