are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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